Thinking With Portals
by Kuroyami Fukaikuro
Summary: The second part of the Relics of the Past Trilogy... Dante has found something that may change the fate of Ooo.
1. Prologue

Thinking With Portals

By: Kuroyami Fukaikuro

**I don't own shit 'cept the OC's and the story.**

**A/N: I'M BACK BITCHES!**

Prologue: HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT?

Finn walked down hidden path to where Dante's house supposedly was. He was accompanied by Seraphina, Jake, Bubblegum, and Marceline; and everyone but him was armed to the teeth.

PB spoke up. "Finn, are you sure you'll be okay with just your sword? I can give you one of my guns if you want."

"Yeah Finn, take the gun at least. You'll need some more firepower if we're gonna kill Dante." Jake said.

"Guys, we're not gonna kill Dante, I trust him." Finn said.

"Dude… He put you in a coma, took over most of Ooo, and nearly killed_ EVERYONE._ I don't see how you could so readily trust him."

"I told you guys, he did it because the Lich corrupted his mind or something like that when he shielded me from the Lich's Chaos Blast."

"I don't know dude, it still smells fishy to me…"

"That would be your breath from the everything burrito you had earlier, man." Finn joked.

"You know what I mean!

"Yeah, I know."

**Dante's House**

Finn and his friends cautiously approached a sizable house in the middle of a substantial clearing, surrounded by a small garden of various plants. As they walked, Finn accidently stepped on a trip-wire, causing a bubble of energy to trap PB, an iron box to fall on Jake, a UV light to shine on Marceline, and Seraphina to fall into a pit filled with water, barely holding on to a steel wire. Finn was the only one unaffected.

Dante opened the door and stepped into the clearing.

Finn drew his sword. "Damn… so you didn't kick the Lich out…"

"Oh, I did. I just trapped everyone so they wouldn't attack me outright and I could talk to YOU specifically like a civilized person."

Finn sheathed his sword. "Fine, but can you release everyone?"

"Sure." Dante snapped his fingers and the bubble, box, and UV light disappeared. The wire pulled Seraphina out of the pit while camouflaged doors closed and the pit was sealed.

"All right, Dante." Seraphina spat, "What do you have to show us?"

Dante turned and began walking back towards the house. "Follow me. And try not to touch the plants- most of them are poisonous."

They all followed him, working hard to avoid the plants and follow his exact path.

Once inside, they all paused to admit; Dante had a nice house. There were amazing landscape paintings all over, various suits of armor from various cultures littered the corners, weapons of all kinds hung on the walls, and there was even a taxidermy dragon head on the wall.

"Quickly now, you all need to see this." He led them down the stairs into the basement.

"Hey Dante, where's Seraphim?" Marceline asked.

"She's watching the thing. Making sure it doesn't act out."

Finn and his friends looked among themselves, trying to figure out what it was. Clearly it was alive, based on the need of a guard.

They approached an iron door. Dante placed his hand on the center, and a hidden scanner verified that it was his hand before automatically opening. Seraphim had her back to them, facing a glass. Finn could just barely make out a figure on the other side. He went up to the glass and took a closer look before exclaiming, "HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT!"

Dante shrugged. "I don't know," he said, "but I have a feeling that you'll be able to make it talk better than I did."

Finn nodded, and opened the door. He stared at the creature in all its glory. It had an ugly blue-green shirt, blue pants, and a bunny-ear hat. "What's your name?" he asked.

The creature looked up. "My name is Fionna," it said.

End of Prologue.

**Please review.**

**A/N: Can you guess where they're going this time? MWAHAHA!**


	2. Chapter 1

Thinking With Portals

By: Kuroyami Fukaikuro

**I still don't own shit 'cept the story and OC's.**

**A/N: EHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE E HOO HOO HOO!**

Chapter One: Fionna's Deal

"Fionna? What kind of a name is that?" Finn asked.

"What's your name then?" Fionna asked.

"Finn."

"What kind of a name is Finn?"

"What are you?"

"I'm human… The only human left on Aaa."

"Well, here, you're not the only human, if you are human. And where is Aaa? This is Ooo. Hold on a second." Finn left the chamber. "Did you get all that?" he asked Dante.

"Eeyup."

"Did you just knock her out and not check to see what she was? Like with me?"

"Eeyup."

Finn sighed. "Do you have some technology that will check?"

"Yes." Dante pushed a button and scanner surrounded Fionna's body. After it finished scanning, it printed the results. Seraphim checked.

"She's telling the truth. She's human."

"Man, we have got to start asking stuff before knocking people out." Dante said. He opened the door, went in, and sat down on a chair in front of her. "Tell me, child," he said, "what's your story?"

Fionna looked up. "I was the last human on Aaa… until I discovered two humans in the Ice Queendom. Their names were Shinobu Althea and her fiancé, Hermes. They had survived the Cloud-That-Looks-Like-Tree War and I was helping them adapt… but then, Shinobu suddenly overthrew my rule of the Human Kingdom with an army of clones… her fiancé, now her husband, captured my friend Marshall Lee and spends every day torturing him. Me and my other friends, Cake, Prince Gumball, and Seraphinus attacked her castle with the Ice Queen, and I managed to fight my way to her… but I lost, and was almost killed- we barely escaped with Marshall."

"Up until the torture and you losing, your story seemed extremely familiar. You have our help."

"Really?"

"Maybe." Dante left the room, untying her first, and closed the door. "So, should we help her?"

"Yes we should," said Finn. "because she's in the situation we were in, except she lost. Why did she lose?"

"Let's ask her." Dante let Fionna out and sat her in a chair. "How did Shinobu take over?"

"I just woke up and an army of clones ran me out."

"There was no duel? No coma, no amnesia?"

She shook her head. "None."

"I see. We'll help you. For real."

"Thank you!"

"So, how do we get to Aaa?"

"Can I get my weapons back first? My mom's sword is my personal favorite."

"Oh, sure." He went in a room and came back with some weapons and armor, and a sword that looked exactly like Finn's did before it transformed. She put on the armor, which made her look a bit like a character from another game Finn played, Hilde from Soul Calibur 5 (I just love video games, okay?). She held the sword in her right hand and her spear in her left.

"So," Finn asked Dante, "where did you find her?"

"I didn't find her. She came to us."

"And you just captured her?"

"She was screaming and waving her sword around like a madwoman! And she shot at me with her crossbow!"

"You threw a knife at me! And she threw some fire magic at me! And then you both set a dragon on me! My actions were completely justified!"

Finn looked at Dante. "Really? Just, really?"

Dante shrugged sheepishly. "Um, my bad? Anyways, let's focus on the task at hand. How did you get here?"

"There is a portal that connects these lands. I found it accidentally while running from Shinobu."

"Well then, take us to it."

They left his house and Fionna led them through the forest to a clearing of blood red flowers.

"Wait," she said, "the flowers are the wrong color…" suddenly she collapsed face-first into the ground.

"What the-" but that's all Finn could say before he, and then all of them suffered the same fate.

A woman with long, grayish-silver hair and blood-red eyes walked into the clearing accompanied by a man with black hair with red highlights and ocean blue eyes.

"Well, well, husband, what do we have here?" the woman said.

"It's the girl, and it seems she's attempted to go for help."

"It's a pity it will have been a fruitless endeavor. Bring them back to castle Althea."

"You got it. Alright, you heard the lady, bring 'em back!" A number of clones came out of the trees and picked up the bodies before putting them on stretchers.

The woman stuck out her hand and said, in a perfect copy of Fionna's voice, "The Savior demands your compliance! Open!" There was a shimmer in the air, and the portal opened. They carried the unconscious travelers through the hole.

…

**Althea Castle, Aaa**

Marceline awoke on a pile of broken candy people bits. "Eww," she said as she dislodged herself from the pile. She stood up and looked around at her cell. She calmly walked towards the door and looked out. Then she heard a voice that she had not heard in centuries.

"Marceline? Is that you?"

"Marshall?"

End of Chapter One.

**Please review.**

**A/N: Holy Acquaintances Batman! The Vampire King and Queen know each other! But how? Tune in next time for another episode of, Dante Adan: Gentleman Adventurer! (NOT)**


	3. Chapter 2

Thinking With Portals

By: Kuroyami Fukaikuro

**I still don't own shit.**

**A/N: So yeah. Also, it's time to play, GUESS THAT REFERENCE! Throughout the chapter I'll be referencing random things/memes/etc. I won't tell you when I'm referencing them however. The first person to guess all my references will be able to give me a random story idea and I'll write a fic for it! Keep the idea to something that could encompass a one-shot. To participate, you must guess where the reference is from, and, if applicable, who said it. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor. And no if you guess where that came from it doesn't count, because it's too obvious. Wow this is a long A/N.**

Chapter Two: Fuck It, I Can't Think Of A Chapter Title

After hearing the voice, Marceline looked around, both in her cell and outside. When she didn't see anything, she asked, "Where are you?"  
"I'm in the cell next to yours. How did you get here?"

"I was knocked out by Shinobu and brought here."

"I saw them put you here. I mean, how did you get to Aaa?"

"I don't know! I told you, I was knocked out. Fionna brought us to a field-"

"Wait, Fionna got captured?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "Then we're gonna lose this war. Fionna's the only one who could even get close to matching Shinobu's power."

"Trust me, I know a guy who's easily equal to her. So what have you been doing since the Great Division?"

"Oh, not much, running my half of the kingdom, strangling pixies, getting tortured. The works." He stuck his arm out of his cell and reached across to her. She grasped it and held it tightly.

"I missed you," she said. "But on a more important note, why haven't you just escaped yet?"

"Because if we leave the cells, this whole area is instantly bathed in UV lights. If we somehow survive that, then the whole place explodes in five minutes."

"How do you know?"  
"Let's just say, this place is made of the leftover rocks."

Marceline sighed. "Then we're gonna have to hope that the others somehow get out." Her fingers tightened around his, but he did not recoil. "It's been a long time, and I honestly thought I'd never see you again. I've made some mistakes here and there. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you. You complete me. I just hope that you forgive me for most likely making similar mistakes but with reversed gender roles."

"Sure, so long as you stop sucking at guitar. We need one in the band." They laughed, and had hope that they would survive.

…

**Room Number One**

Princess Bubblegum woke up and noticed that she was tied up and hanging over a deep pit. She looked across from her and saw a man who looked like he was made of bubblegum. "Hello," He said, "are you the alternate reality me?"

"I believe so," PB responded, "are you the leader of the Candy Kingdom here?"

"Why yes, I am. Are you one of the people Fionna asked for help?"

"Yes. How were you captured?"

"Shortly after she left, Shinobu attacked, as if she planned for all of this to happen."

"So, what do we do now?"

"We hope that someone else has escaped, because we can't do it on our own. The ropes are magically protected, and we're being hung over a pit of lava."

A surprisingly bright, sunny voice spoke over their heads, from stereos. "Hello there, Prince and Princess! How are you doing-"

But the voice was cut off when Bubblegum shouted, "What do you want from us? Do you expect us to obey you?"

The voice turned dark and cold as it said, "No, Princess, I expect you to die."

"Well, that complicates things."

…

**Another Random Room**

Dante woke up and looked around him. He was locked in a chair, manacles around his wrists and ankles. His weapons nowhere to be seen. He looked up, and noticed a glass ceiling. He heard a noise, and looked left. A twenty-something woman with grayish-silver hair and blood-red eyes.

"Hello, prisoner." She said.

"I assume that you're the Shinobu that I've been hearing about. I'm not impressed."

"But I'm not the one in the chair."

"True, but it's not very secure. I could probably break out of here."

"If you do break loose, I have over nine thousand clones trained, ready, and willing to kill you. And I'm right here."

"Exactly how many do you have, and what are they armed with?"

"I'm not stupid. I'm not gonna tell you vital information like that."

"Then tell me why you haven't killed me yet."

"Isn't it obvious? Because I have a use for you. I'm gonna hypnotize you and make you mine," she said with a hint of seduction as she traced his cheekbones with her index finger.

"Um, aren't you married? 'Cause I'm married. I'm afraid it won't work out."

"I'm a Queen. I'll take what I want, when I want. And since you're the strongest man in the world, with a power to match mine, my husband is obsolete. A child between me and him would only be second in power to a child between us."

_Man, I hope I wasn't this creepy when the Lich King controlled me._ "So, you expect me to just comply to your demands?"

"That would be fortunate, but I don't think you will, and that's why I'm hypnotizing you," she said as she looked him in the eyes. She was right in front of him.

"Yeah, how about, no." Dante effortlessly snapped free of the manacles and kicked her in the stomach before elbowing her in the face and slamming her into the wall. "That… was easier than I thought it would be. But knowing my power, and knowing that she's a reverse gender of me, I know what she's like. I'd better find the others and get out of here before she activates the self-destruct."

He looked around and saw a fire axe. He grabbed it, kicked down the door, and slaughtered the guards outside. The survivors fled into a room. He quickly looked at a map and found out that the room had no exit except the entrance. He smiled, and began to chop at the door.

When there was a face sized hole, he looked in at the cowering guards and said, "HERE'S DANTE!" with his face tilted slightly sideways and a smile on his face. He broke down the door and killed them. Their weapons were near the room that Finn was in. He shortened the axe to a tomahawk and grabbed a knife for his left hand, before starting down the hallway, his aura begging someone to cross his path.

…

**And Yet Another Room**

Seraphina woke up and saw that she was surrounded by ice statues. Due to the difference in temperature, she could feel another fire elemental behind her. "Hello?" she asked tentatively, turning her head in an attempt to look at the person behind her. "Who are you?"

"I'm the Flame Prince, Ignatius. Who are you?"  
"The Flame Princess, Seraphina."

"So you're the alternate version of me. I just have some advice for you."

"What?"

"Keep your eyes on the statues."

"What?"

"Look at them and don't blink."

She looked back at the statue in front of her. It was no longer holding its hands to its face. Now its hands were outstretched, a gruesome expression on its face. "What happened?"

"They move when you're not looking! Don't blink! If your eyes start to cool down then close one eye, then the other, but never both at the same time!"

"Just melt them!"

"I tried that! Shinobu used some magic or something, because they won't melt! We just have to keep looking at them and hope someone breaks out and frees us!"

"Can't we melt the ropes and cautiously get out?"

"Tried that too."

Seraphina sighed and stared at the gruesome face before her, doing her best not to blink.

…

**Just One More Room**

Seraphim woke up and saw nothing, for she was blindfolded. Thankfully, she had trained for such a situation, and used her other senses to view the surroundings. She was in a circular room, with a table to her left and another person to her right. "Show yourself, or die!"

"I'm not the one in the chair."

"That doesn't mean shit."

"Actually, yes, it does. Do you know who I am?"

"Yes, but do you know who _I _am?"

"Judging from your fighting style, I'd say you're Hermes."

"My fighting sty- ah, yes, you're using your enhanced senses, aren't you? So you are the alternate universe version of me."

"So what do you want?"

"I want information. I want to know why you're here."

"To kick your demented asses. Next question."

He sighed. "So, it's gonna be like that, huh?" he said, pulling out a power drill. "I got lots of experience torturing people getting information out of that gray-skinned son of a bitch. You should just fess up and tell me what I want to know."  
"I already told you, we're here to kick your demented asses."

"Hard way it is then." But as he leaned forward to drill her hand, she head-butted him in the face and knocked him into a vat of electric eels, knocking him out.

She bit the leather around her wrists and freed herself before looking around to see that there was a map lying flat on the table. She picked it up and saw where her weapons were. She picked up two scalpels as her weapons. She kicked down the door and mercilessly slaughtered everyone in the area. Then she saw on the map that the vampire holding cells were close by.

…

**Last Room**

Fionna woke up, and found herself tied to a chair. She looked around, and saw Finn already up and struggling to get free. "Don't bother," she said, "Shinobu makes her ropes out high tensile wires. They're virtually impossible to break."

"It would be easier if I could concentrate; I could power-screech us out… Speaking of which, why can't I concentrate?"

"I tried that. I think she reinforces them with magic or something. And you can't concentrate because of the sedative she gave us. We'll be like this for an hour at most."

Finn sighed. "Then I'm gonna focus on not thinking of important information."

"How?"

"Singing a song that Dante taught me."

(watch?v=RxRzR63adPo) (this only counts if you can name all the people in the video, name the _ being referenced, name the creator, say when the _ started, and name the scariest character of all of them)

After listening to him sing, she shook her head, saying, "You're all insane. I can't believe I asked you for help. We're all gonna die."

"Shhh, I'm singing. Sing along! Your mind will get distracted and won't think of anything relevant. And they're gonna-" He stopped talking and resumed singing when someone walked into the room.

It was Fionna.

"What the fuck?" Finn exclaimed.

End of Chapter Three.

**Review or DIE!**

**A/N: So, what references did you get? Also, is Fionna hypnotized? WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON!**


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